Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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