Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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