Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
