I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize