he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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