remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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