Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
