Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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