I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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