I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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