life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
