You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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