Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
