the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize