i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
