Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
