I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
