I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i now understand why vodka
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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