A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
