he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
