even my farts smell like vagina
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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