OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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