After last night, I could never be a politician.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
