i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We have started to decorate penises.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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