he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
