Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
