When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
