So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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