You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
