if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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