he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
