I think I died a long time ago.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
