bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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