Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
