every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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