I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
