you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
