Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
