i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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