I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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