im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
