Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
