carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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