Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
