why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
