There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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