Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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