She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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