yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
