dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
