the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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