i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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