all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
