My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Never underestimate the power of titties
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
