He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
This is my gift to your gina
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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