Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
