They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
