I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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