I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
