Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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