Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
