Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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