One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
