today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
