I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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