I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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