He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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