maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
