i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Panties = found
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
