What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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