She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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