Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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