My room smells like vodka and shame
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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