His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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