Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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