thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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