I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I supernannyed him into submission
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
