My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
