we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just high enough for therapy.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
