Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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