U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Randomize
