There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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