there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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