one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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