ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
