I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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