we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
