I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
