my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
