Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
