I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
