Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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