I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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